I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
