Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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