Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
