somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
