I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
