My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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