Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
