why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
