More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
