so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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