I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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