I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
