Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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