he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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