If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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