I need help removing her.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
