The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
