I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My bed smells like the plague
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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