she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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