Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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