Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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