Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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