dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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