i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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