bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place