he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.