ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying