i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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I AM VODKA MAN
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.