he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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