Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My life is pants optional.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
