My friends, they love my intelligence
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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