I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
