my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
