I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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