I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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