turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize