then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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