Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
