it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
