How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
