the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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