he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
