Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They took my balls.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
