why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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