there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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