If i come over, it means nothing
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
