don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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