also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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