You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
