I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
