bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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