Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
