i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
