Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
