Sponge bath it is.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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