Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
