**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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