glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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