I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
