He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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