i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love you. Go after that dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
