Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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